Cult of Personality

I have long been fascinated by personality tests. I took a Myers-Briggs test a few years back, and discovered that I have a "rare" personality type: the INTJ. INTJs are rare enough out in the world (only about 1% of the population), but female INTJs are about as rare as it gets (25% of that 1%).

Having been given a reason for some introspection lately, I have gone back to the old Myers-Briggs information to do some "soul" searching.

Upon my search for meaning, I came across www.personalitypage.com which had the following to say:

INTJ Strengths:

• Not threatened by conflict or criticism
• Usually self-confident
• Take their relationships and commitments seriously
• Generally extremely intelligent and capable
• Able to leave a relationship which should be ended, although they may dwell on it in their minds for awhile afterwards
• Interested in "optimizing" their relationships
• Good listeners

INTJ Weaknesses:

• Not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insensitive at times
• May tend to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than the desired emotional support
  
• Not naturally good at expressing feelings and affections
• Tendency to believe that they're always right
• Tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame
• Their constant quest to improve everything may be taxing on relationships
• Tend to hold back part of themselves

I have struggled with a lot of these weaknesses in my relationships, and while it's nice to know that they are a part of my personality, I can't seem to figure out how to reconcile them with my life.

You simply can't use "It's who I am" as an excuse for being insensitve. At the same time, my partner should be understanding of who I am, and what that means. I don't always see what other people need, and I have an almost unreasonable expectation for explicit communication from others, who don't always "get" why I need such explicitness.

Here's a case study of that need for explicitness: if I don't think I need to do something and you ask me to do it, I'm not going to do it unless I know (and perhpas more importantly, understand) why you need me to do it. It really isn't enough that you ask me to do it. It doesn't mean that I don't care about you. It means that I don't operate the same way you do.

I have often heard about the perception that men generally think that INTJ women are the "perfect" wives because we value independence and communicate directly. But the problem is that we actually are independent and really do communicate directly, often without regard for other people's feelings. So I'm really trying to be more sensitive, but there's only so far I can go.

That's enough introspection for a Monday morning.